It seemed like a good idea at the time. A blogging workshop. One to get me into writing everyday. Lots of people had already signed up and I did enjoy the previous one, “Blogging 101” so I thought, “Why not give it a go?” and I signed up. I was keen to see the first topic and today it arrived. Oh Sugar, what have I done? I’m not into this, it’s so hard, writing stuff other people might read. Especially after I’ve rambled on for 20mins without a clear idea of what I want to write. Other people seem able to do it easily and not only do they write and submit quickly but they ask for feedback! No way will I be doing that!
I’ve created things before, worked on them for ages until I’m finally satisfied and then comes the time when others see my “masterpiece” and I’m full of apprehension. Why can’t I just create and “let the cards fall”? When others look at things I’ve made they always say they’re great but the fear of embarrassment at my own actions stays with me. Speaking to a group is another thing I loathe and last week I primed myself up because I knew I had to present a report at a club meeting. I hated the idea, I even thought about missing the meeting but decided that was stupid. All the other items on the agenda came up and I was dreading my turn but then someone else stood up and did it, they assumed it was their responsibility. I was let off the hook, what a relief. At school now kids learn from their very first year how to speak in front of a full assembly, maybe I would have been different if I’d had that experience.
Why are some people so self confident and others lacking? I know people who are so full of confidence they publicly display art works which seem totally devoid of appeal.. Is it all to do with upbringing? I doubt it.
Now I’ve lost track of the time, I don’t know how many of my 20 minutes I’ve used but I’m still wondering if I’ve made a big mistake and I’ve signed myself up for something that is going to stress me out. It seemed like a good idea at the time!
Musings of a Retiring Person 