Interview with Santa Claus

When did you decide you wanted to be Santa Claus?

I think the job chose me.

How did you get the job?

I was out enjoying a starlit night one Christmas and I saw an old guy who looked a lot like me sitting on a roof, leaning against a chimney. He had a very red nose and I think he’d been drinking a bit too much claret, said he didn’t think he was safe to be driving a sleigh at night and asked me to swap places. I already had the right shape and he said the reindeer knew the route. I thought, Why not? We changed clothes and I hopped in his sleigh. I never saw him again though I did think I saw him in a mirror once.

Have you always lived at the North Pole?

It certainly feels like it!

How do you keep busy for 364 days of the year ?

I like to keep on top of trends so when I’m zooming around the world I pick up as many catalogues as I can find, that gives me plenty of reading material for the rest of the year. I have to keep the elves on track too so that keeps me busy.

Who designs the gifts the elves make?

I get ideas from the catalogues and of course a lot of dreams float up our way.

What do you do with your old sleds ?

They get recycled, you have no idea how many skateboards and cubby houses we have to make up each year.

Where do you get your spectacles made?

My eyes never seem to change, the glasses I have work perfectly and the frames are strong metal ones, not flimsy plastic. I don’t have to worry about changing styles either, everyone seems to like the round ones I have.

Where do you collect all your mail?

The elves collect it for me when they go off on holidays. There are so many of them there’s always someone on the way back after a little break whatever the time of year.

Do you ever long for a holiday in the Caribbean?

I don’t think I’m built for hot places, I’d get terrible heat rash under my belly and chins.

Do you think you’ll ever retire?

What would I do then? I’d miss all the decorations put out for me, the free drinks and cookies. Little kids writing to me and promising to be good. All that stuff.

Who will take over from you?

I can’t imagine a time when it won’t be me.

Well, thanks for the chat, Santa, and for putting smiles on so many faces.

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